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I got a job I got a job writing poems oh hi I never met you before going to write you a poem about your anniversary your niece’s christening your son’s wedding your uncle’s funeral you provided a helpful ‘factsheet’ full of personal details your favourite songs and anecdotes this is my material the tone is ‘light’ the approach is up to me you will pay £3 a line you will pay £5 a line you will pay £7 a line if rhymed but hang on wouldn’t a real poet want to get at ‘truth’ you paid for a real poet how can I get ‘truth’ from this ‘factsheet’ the only way to ‘truth’ is saying ‘yo, I don’t know you’ and refusing to write the poem in the poem then I doubt you’d pay me here’s my question do you want to buy a poem because you know about poetry or because you don’t know about poetry think I need to see you think I need to meet you think I need to come and stay with you for like a week perhaps the whole thing will get out of hand if I get involved in some ‘heavy shit’ I’ll write a screenplay about it of course I’ll change your name the names of my dystopian employers charlie kaufman some bigshot director will buy the script executive produce and I’ll be rich I won’t write any more poems about your uncle’s wedding your son’s christening your niece’s funeral your bill: £210 happy anniversary