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Alice Hattrick
Alice Hattrick is a writer and producer based in London. Their book on unexplained illness, intimacy and mother-daughter relationships, titled Ill Feelings, will be published by Fitzcarraldo Editions in 2021.


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Ill Feelings

Feature

Issue No. 19

Alice Hattrick

Feature

Issue No. 19

My mother recently found some loose diary pages I wrote in my first year of boarding school, aged eleven, whilst she was clearing out...

Art

February 2016

'Look at me, I said to the glass in a whisper, a breath.'

Alice Hattrick

Art

February 2016

Listen to her. She is telling you about her adolescence. She is telling you about one particular ‘bender’ that...

I A Cosmopolitan Avenue   …where a girl pretends the whole city is dead She is too old for games like this one, but she indulges herself anyway, dangling her legs from a low structural wall outside her parents’ house Sunlight moves across her knees Her eyes and scalp itch with hay fever She’s been eating too much dairy and her guts don’t feel well   In her fantasy, the project of living turns predatory and meaningful The population has almost disappeared but buildings and infrastructure remain, jutting from the landscape like the bones of a carcass She says, nearly in prayer, ‘This is the future’ An annulment of time There are no other countries There is a yellow star but no sun, a white rock in the night sky but no moon No evolution, no smart, no stupid, no college, no virginity, no cellphone, no money, no exercise Strange, windy new gods blow in and she announces their names from the highest empty skyscraper Scraps flicker along the empty streets Wild dogs hunt in the streets and sometimes she feeds on the carcasses they leave behind She has no family and no friends Without them she moves as sexless as thought, eating, sleeping, and copulating according to need, devoid of expectation, just a shape among shapes Her body hardens with muscle and instinct She imagines herself with a boy’s long back and long hair A flat chest   But in real life her breasts, already pendulous, stretch-marked, are growing larger She is smart and overweight She gets out of breath going up a flight of stairs Friends have lately taught her to smoke cigarettes and drink gin out of a plastic bottle She has never touched anyone else’s privates Sometimes, at night, she still frightens herself into hearing her own name when her parents aren’t home   In real life, it’s a Thursday, 11 am, mid-summer, and she has chores   Store: Eggs, eggplant, dish soap, kitty litter Money on fridge Bathroom: Clean sink, scrub tub Love, Mom   The two bills—ten and twenty—fit neatly into her back pocket She walks along the avenue towards the grocery store

Contributor

August 2014

Alice Hattrick

Contributor

August 2014

Alice Hattrick is a writer and producer based in London. Their book on unexplained illness, intimacy and mother-daughter relationships,...

(holes)

Art

July 2014

Alice Hattrick

Kristina Buch

Art

July 2014

There are many ways to make sense of the world, through language, speech and text, but also the senses and their extensions. In his...

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fiction

January 2013

Car Wash

Patrick Langley

fiction

January 2013

He is sitting on the back seat of a car, somewhere in France. It’s a bright blue day, absurdly...

poetry

December 2016

Of all those pasts

Will Harris

poetry

December 2016

  In Derrida’s Memoires: For Paul de Man he quotes from ‘Mnemosyne’, a poem by Friedrich Hölderlin which he...

Prize Entry

April 2016

Oögenesis

Karina Lickorish Quinn

Prize Entry

April 2016

After her daughter had – for the third time, no less – laid her eggs in the fruit bowl,...

 

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