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It’s Saturday and two men arrive at the door in the uniform Thames Water We’re checking the whole street, can we check your pipes They walk through to   the back Their boots are very large in the flat A dog stretches her neck and smells the air around the genitals They are sorry We are sorry but we have   some bad news We have detected some contamination coming from one of the addresses on this street and it’s you Your clean water and your waste pipes are   misconnected Your waste pipe is going straight to The new river opened in 1613 to bring fresh water from Hertfordshire to London Don’t worry it’s not your   fault and we’re not going to fine you But it is illegal and you have to fix it What it You’re it Your waste pipe Your water pipe Our waste Our pipe Your waste   pipe is misconnected and your cistern is flowing into the clean water of the New River opened in 1613 to bring fresh water from Hertfordshire to London There   are two types of sewer private and public Private sewers belong to the customer You You are responsible for the pipes that belong to you There are   public sewers that belong to us the water company We are the water company Also there are highway drains and gullies And you know, swans Are you related   to a plumber, No Are you friends with one, No, Then you’re going to have to hire one The men leave I haven’t been yet me neither you go I didn’t expect the   shame of ownership to be so closely related to the shame of having a body (But it’s not mine none of it’s mine) In 1946 the water supply to New River Head was   truncated at Stoke Newington with the New River ending at the East Reservoir We do customer shits straight into the West Reservoir Water Sports Centre is a   water sports and environmental education centre which is located in a picturesque corner of leafy Stoke Newington The centre provides the   opportunity to take part in sailing and kayaking for adults and children under the watchful eye of expert instructors